gurf.com - humor - Taste Test

     Brenda called, “Hi Wildman.”
    “Hi Gingersnap. Say I was wondering— I heard that women judge a guy by his toothbrush. Any truth to that?”
    “Why do you think we take so long in the bathroom? The better you guys get at hiding it, the longer it takes us to find it.”
    “And when you do?”
    “A bristle by bristle inspection. To assist us in that endeavor we carry two-power illuminated Handifiers in our purses, though only the more exacting of us back that up with a ten-power compound Hastings, much less a twenty-five power Penscope.”
    “Seriously, how do you judge a guy?”
    “My own method is to first get them to promise to answer one question truthfully. Do you so affirm?”
    “I do.”
    “State your name.”
    “Gurf.”
    “You may take the stand. The question is— you know how microwave popcorn instructions warn you not to attempt to re-pop unpopped kernels. Have you ever done so?”
    “I’m afraid I have.”
    “And what was the result?”
    “A fire.”
    “A fire?”
    “Yeah. During the first popping I was drinking bourbon and didn’t leave the bag in long enough. It seemed as big as normal but when I opened it, it was only half full. So I ate down to the unpopped kernels and put it back in.”
    “How did the fire start?”
    “By my resealing the bag with a couple of those twisters that come off loaves of bread, forgetting that they have metal in them. I put the fire out and tried again, this time just folding the top.”
    “And what were the results of this second re-pop attempt?”
    “The bag sluggishly popped up to about the size of a bar of soap. I unenthusiastically scarfed the dozen-or-so dry, charred kernels.”
    “Case dismissed.”

~ Gurf