gurf.com - humor - The Show

     Do you watch The Show? The Millionaire Show? Not the one on ABC, the one on PBS. The Show, as in Antique Road...
     With the trunk that opens to reveal the next great find, fast-fingered from a yard sale that
     A bow-tied priest from Sotheby’s will, in rock-steady, impeccable polysyllabic, pronounce genuine, seemingly ready to explode, being forced to hold off to the very end that anticipated yet near dreaded missive, the value. Tight shot
     Of the breathless owner. Will she light into a jig, or as one older gentleman, erupt in tears at how close he’d been to discarding his treasure as rummage.
     The real thrill is midway through The Show— sometimes three-fourths of the way (why spoil the surprise?). It is of course The Fake of the Week. And
     It’s best when it’s a so-called Early American something or ’nother cranked in by some bloke beaming because he thinks he finally outsmarted a trader, cherrypicking brownstuff for ten percent of its value.
     Not that he bought it because he likes it— can’t stand the sight of it actually, beyond the imagined aesthetic of a bank balance. His own greed’s taken him, and the show takes us, salving our guilty-yet-pleasurable does-him-right’s with the balm of overt sympathy.
     Admit it, you enjoy it as much as I. It’s all over the religious channels, when the minister painfully regrets having to tell the proud and ill-tuned that if they continue to off the Lord he can’t be held responsible for excessive concession-profits from the scorch-pitiers’ gallery. Oh sure
     We all know it’s not really the Lord talking. It’s just old Doc Sigmund. Sigmund ‘Schaden’ Freud, that is.

~ Gurf