gurf.com - humor - Clumsy Magic

     Nan called, “Hi.”
    “Well hi Nantuck. What’s up?”
    “Heard your assistant quit again, Gurf.”
    “Yeah. Thirty stitches. I’m just too inept for show business. Thought her screaming was part of the act.”
    “Don’t you practice tricks before performing them?”
    “That was during practice. New saw. Sharp teeth.”
    “Hey maybe a few scars aren’t so bad. Years ago I saw that carnival act where a woman is strapped to a wheel and this guy throws knives at her while she’s spinning. You could see scars on her. Maybe they weren’t real, but it made it seem like there was real risk.”
    “They were real all right. That guy was me.”
    “You’re kidding.”
    “Yeah I am. Seriously though I’m going to make one more go at it. New assistant, new equipment. The problem was she was squirming around too much. So I’m building a narrow-fitting box that will hold her snug, with tight wrist and ankle stocks that she can’t squeeze out of.”
    “Well if she screams be sure to stop.”
    “Actually a new feature of the trick is that she’ll be ball-gagged, her entire head locked in a heavy leather mask.”
    “I don’t think you’re going to find anyone up to that.”
    “I was hoping that you’d give it a whirl, Nan.”
    “I think I’ll pass.”
    “Oh please! I promise to be extra super-careful this time. Please.”
    “Okay Gurf. Under one condition.”
    “What’s that?”
    “I get to be the magician, and you’re the assistant. And you have to build me one of those wheels too. I’ll practice with my kitchen knives.”
    “Now I think I’ll pass.”
    “Oh please! Pretty please! Please!”
    “Well— okay.”
    “Whoopee! I’ll be right over.”

~ Gurf