gurf.com - humor - Mini-Empire

     Beth called, “Hello.”
    “Hi Angel. What’s up?”
    “Just wondering how your dotcom mini-empire is coming, Gurf. Is it close to being a maxi-empire?”
    “Any century now.”
    “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with all those millions?”
    “Not for a second. You know the saying, don’t count your chickens—”
    “Before they’re hatched.”
    “Right. First thing I’ll do is get a little place by the ocean. Nothing ostentatious— ten thousand square feet on maybe a hundred acres, what realtors call a starter castle. Might go ahead and spring for my own island.”
    “A sailboat to get you there?”
    “There’ll be room for a small airstrip.”
    “Pool? Tennis courts?”
    “And a hot tub.”
    “Stables?”
    “Sure. Riding and walking trails, formal gardens. Older place with large rooms and hardwood floors. Attic with a tower, and a dry basement that I can do in gothic, with stone altar and wrought-iron flambeau sconces.”
    “Oh. You’re gay.”
    “No. What makes you say that?”
    “A guy might say ‘fix-up’ or maybe ‘decorate’ a space, but never ‘do’, unless he was either gay or a woman.”
    “Well that rule is wrong in my case, because I never date guys and I never fantasize about an erotic relationship with a guy.”
    “My mistake.”
    “That’s okay. Wasn’t till last year that I caved-in and replaced my ‘I heart my antiques’ bumper-sticker with an ‘I heart my guns’ sticker. Something gays can be envied for I guess, hard as life is on them.”
    “Do you own any guns?”
    “Can’t stand the things.”
    “How about loaning me ten bucks?”
    “Only have seven, and six of that is for my monthly payment at Jim’s Pawn. Split the dollar with you though.”
    “Be right over.”

~ Gurf