gurf.com - humor - Drain King

     Yesterday Dawn called, “How goes it, Gurf?”
    “Oh hi Kitten. Doing all right. Finally got the sewer open. One of the hardest clogs yet. Two hours with the Drain King, hose at full pressure.”
    “That long?”
    “Was worth it. The toilet flushes properly for the first time in months. I’d been averaging three overflows a week— two of number one and one of two.”
    “Gross. You’re getting to be pretty good with that Drain King though. Thought about turning pro?”
    “You mean tournaments and all that?”
    “There are tournaments?”
    “Yes, and after this last cleanout I even allowed myself to dream— just dream— of the Drain King World Championships in São Paulo.”
    “What do you have to do to win?”
    “A variety of things. São Paulo is an attractive, modern city, but don’t be fooled. Its sewers are as mean as they come.”
    “Maybe I should have first asked, what do you have to do to qualify to compete there?”
    “You have to be tops in the Nationals, and also have medals in Creative Endeavor.”
    “Do you have any of those?”
    “Only one, but a nice one. I took a gold in Applications.”
    “How’d you manage that?”
    “Well, learning that my old hometown just got a new Mighty Tower high-pressure municipal waterworks, I was able, using multiple hoses and Kings, to convert an old septic runoff into an underground sprinkler system.”
    “That must have been a sight.”
    “All outdoor activity for blocks around immediately ceased, and someone even called the gas company. But the homeowners were happy, the media was thrilled, and the judges were unanimous.”
    “With that talent, you’re a shoe-in for Brazil. Can I come along— as your girl?”
    “I can already see you getting crowned Drain Queen of the World.”

~ Gurf