gurf.com - humor - Dividends

     The other day Jill called, “Hi Gurf.”
    “Hi Sugarnut. What’s up?”
    “Just wondering how things were going with your company. Heard on the street that you were thinking about making Namedance a tracking stock. Any way I could catch a little of the action?”
    “First of all there is no company. I have a few old issues of Nugget laying around, but I’d hardly call those company.”
    “No stocks then either?”
    “None other than some a friend made for me.”
    “He printed certificates?”
    “No, these are made out of wood. They’re the kind like the ones in Colonial Williamsburg, that you can have your picture taken in.”
    “I guess that means no dividends.”
    “Not unless she’s naked. You said you ‘heard on the street.’ What street— Wall Street?”
    “Twenty-eighth. Twenty-eighth and Clark. Here in Paducah.”
    “That’s not a financial district. That’s a residential district.”
    “There’s a cleaners there.”
    “So?”
    “You’ve never been taken to the cleaners?” she asked.
    “That was bad,” I replied.
    “No worse than yours.”
    “True. Delivery makes all the difference.”
    “How’s that?”
    “I once asked my friend Wes what he thought of my header artwork for this site. I was taken aback when I thought he said it looked crummy. Heard him wrong. He said ‘Crumb-E’, as in R. Crumb— the highest of compliments. The site was then called Zan-E, so it was a double pun. Should have seen that coming— he’s a pun guy.”
    “A fun guy?”
    “A pfun guy.”
    “So how much are your stocks?”
    “They’re not for sale. But you’re welcome to invest in them.”
    “Do you have a camera?”
    “Do you have film?”
    “I’ll be right over.”

~ Gurf